Writing...why is it so hard?

Do you ever wake up from an amazing dream that was so vivid, it sticks with you all day? You can't stop thinking about the characters, the setting, if there is some deep, hidden meaning as to why you dreamt this dream?

I have had one of those dreams...and it is haunted me for more than a month now. So I have started to write it down and hopefully will finish it one day. You see, the story keeps getting more involved; more developed. It's like someone dropped a bare bones scenario in my head and now I have my own "choose your own adventure'' happening as I put pen to paper. I have never really had this happen before.

I have always been a writer so to speak.  I have kept a journal since I was a little girl. My first journal was actually a diary that was purple and pink that had a padlock on it to keep parents and little sisters out of it.  It cracks me up to go back and read some of the things I wrote about: boys I had a crush on, teachers who made me mad, and how parents just don't understand.

In my middle school/high school years I started writing poetry...bad poetry...but poetry. I also started writing songs. None of them were great but I always felt better afterwards; like I had worked something out in my soul once the song was finished.

Now I have this crazy story in my head. Certain songs on the radio trigger parts of the story coming alive in my brain. Every time I listen to the new Lorde album I get more and more insight into the characters.  It's crazy!

My problem lately is finding time to write.  My favorite place to write is at a coffee shop surrounded by others with my headphones on and a cup of coffee close by. (How very hipster of me.) I especially love this in the fall when a warm cup of coffee seems to wake you up and keep you warm the rest of the day.

But I don't always have time to go to a coffee shop. And I love spending time with my husband and I don't want him to be bored if he comes with me.  So I've tried writing at home while we are watching TV.  You can imagine how great that is going. My story ends up taking a weird turn and ends up sounding like a New Girl episode.

I've tried writing in the other room while the hubby is watching TV, but I always get sucked into conversation. Did I mention I like hanging out with my husband? :)

I've tried writing poolside but inevitably there is always some crazy kid that decides he wants to cannonball right beside the computer...which makes for a grumpy writer.

The beach is not much better. Sand in your keyboard is pretty much a nightmare.

So I will have to find time whenever I can if I ever want to get this story out.

I have started writing at work (like I'm doing right now). Now before you go and judge me, know that I only write at work when my work is done, or I am waiting on someone to sign something, do something, etc so that I can do my piece of the job. Right now would be one of those times.

Every writer I know says they write everyday. So I am going to make it my goal to write everyday...even if it's just a paragraph. Paragraphs turn into pages. Many pages turn into a book. 

I really have no idea if I am gifted at writing or not.  I just know that I enjoy it and want to give this story in my crazy brain a chance at life. I'll keep you posted!

Mondays...

Mondays are always interesting to say the least.  I have only been up for 1.5 hours now and am already questioning my sanity.  For example:

Why oh why does the wind have to blow my hair in the opposite direction of my part??? I spent 20 minutes blow drying it so the ends would curl under and it would look smooth and not frizzy.  And the wind destroys all of my hard work in one gust. This makes for a very bad hair day.  Bad wind, bad...

I have this nagging feeling that there is something very important that I am forgetting to do...but I have no idea what it is. Monday anxiety...

I am not fully awake so I keep mistyping...I just tried to spell mistyping 3 times.  If only you could see my errors! And now I am wondering if mistyping is even a word.

I never know how to answer the question "So how was your weekend?"
Do I give the honest answer?..."I stood in front of the speakers at the Deloreans concert on Friday night and my ears are still ringing and I feel like I'm in a tunnel."
Or do I just say "it was good". I never know if people are actually interested or not and I don't want to be that person who over-explains how great or awful their weekend was. 

Why does the copier not like me?  I mean it gets all weekend to rest and then when I try to use it, it says something like "warming up" or "processing" for like a half hour. (I'm embellishing)  Can I use this excuse?
"Sorry I can't do any work right now, I'm still warming up."

Speaking of warming up, I'm considering bringing an electric blanket to work as my office is like 50 degrees when I arrive in the morning. I wear my coat for about half an hour while my little heater tries to heat up my office. Sometimes I wear my gloves.  And then I feel like Bob Cratchit (from the Christmas Carol) counting the coins while shivering.  I know...cue the violins...

I am convinced that inanimate objects are out to get me.  The stapler runs out of staples at the most inopportune time. My pen is constantly hiding from me. My paperwork falls off of my desk at least once a day.  And I am constantly running into the corner of my desk and always have a bruise on my leg. (Of course that could be due to my clumsiness.)

Yes, I am going crazy and it is now just 9am. But alas...tomorrow is Tuesday and 3 days after that will be Friday.

Enjoy your Monday everyone!  I promise my next post will not be so whiny!

NaNoWriMo

In the interest of full disclosure, the post you are about to read will be a bit nerdy...carry on if you like.

I like how-to books.  Give me a list step by step on how to do something, break it down into simple steps, and don't bog me down with minute details. And I will more than likely follow through. :)

I just finished reading No Plot, No Problem! A Low Stress Velocity Guide to Writing a Novel in 30 Days by Chris Baty.  Check it out here.

This book is a step by step, bare bones approach to writing a novel in 30 days.  Crazy right? Well apparently many people do this every year in the month of November. It's called National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo.  My husband says this is the worst acronym in the history of acronyms...but I kind of like it.

I have tried writing a novel several times...but I get bogged down in constantly going back and editing what I just wrote until I am so frustrated that I stop writing.  Well this book asks you to take a different approach.  Write, write, and then write some more...but whatever you do, do not go back and edit.  Editing is for later. The goal is to get 50,000 words down on paper in 30 days.  You can do all the revision you want later on but the goal for that one month is to get a novel written.  It may suck.  It may totally be crap.  It probably will embarrass you when you go back and read it. But the idea is that it is much easier to edit something that is already written down.

So I have been considering taking this approach and trying to write a novel in 30 days.  But I can't do it in November.  I start caroling with the Doorway singers in November. (Yes I said caroling.) My husband and I go out of town for Thanksgiving to visit family. I can't imagine writing during the holiday especially in a turkey coma. My birthday is in November which means no extra work for me!  I know...excuses excuses...But the book does mention that you can pick your own month for writing. I'm not sure which month would work the best...maybe a summer month?

Writing a novel has always been on my bucket list. Not that anyone will ever want to read my novel...but I want to write one anyway. It's a challenge to me.  Some people put their bodies to the test by running a marathon or particiapting in Tough Mudder...but not me...I want to write books. :) I am such a nerd.

I think everyone has things on their bucket list that they want to cross off. There are also things to cross off that I didn't know were on my bucket list.  For example, I went to Tibet and ate lamb lung.  I never thought this would be a bucket list item but lo and behold...I ate something in a strange country that tasted like mucus.  And I lived to tell about it!

I am trying to be more intentional about my bucket list so as to experience life to the fullest while I am here.  What sorts of things are on your bucket list?  I would like to hear from you to see if you are as nerdy and weird as me. :)

Random Observations/Thoughts

It's been a little while since my last post...so I have gathered a few random observations and thoughts that I have had over the past few weeks...in no order of importance. :)


1. Having a sinus infection, while not the flu, still packs quite a punch!  It's even worse when you and your husband have one at the same time. (Yes I would like cheese with my wine)

2. Sinus infection medication = Grumpiness and lethargy

3. Lack of sunlight makes a person rethink their existence...but then when the sun finally comes out, it's like you are Snow White and all of the creatures of the forest are singing to you.

4. I like sunlight...it is good for my mental health :)

5. It is funny to see all of the posts on Facebook about "southerners" that cannot drive during the snow and ice. But when I ventured out in the slushy mess I noticed that the people who were driving crazy had out-of-state license plates; some of them were from *gasp* up north.  I think the bottom line is that no one can really drive on ice. Ice levels the playing field. :)

6. Snow days aren't as fun if you don't get out of work/school.

7. I am constantly searching craigslist to find odd jobs to make a little extra money.  Craigslist can be scary...you never know what you're gonna get when you click on a job posting. The site should have a warning like "you may be utterly grossed out when you read this post" or " this post may cause nausea and upset stomach, and retinal burning".  Please click with caution!

8. My feelings about our political climate are the same as my feelings about the term "YOLO"...oi

9. Young MC's  "Bust A Move" is the best song to listen to while driving to work. Although it may not be safe listening to this song while driving on ice. :)

10.  Condo Boards are the devil.

11. Sometimes I really wish I could have the surgery that Luke Skywalker had on his hand in the "Empire Strikes Back" movie. But they only do that kind of surgery for severed hands...oh well

12. It can be hard not going out to eat with friends or not spending money on clothes or an iPad when you're on a budget, but the feeling of being debt free (something I have experienced before) will be WAY better than any crab cake or orange crush! And besides...coupon date nights are the best!

13. After reading all of these thoughts and observations...I think maybe I should add that sinus infection medication may also cause zaniness.

Mentoring

I used to be the Algebra Readiness teacher at a local high school. My students were the ones who were either failing Algebra or who had already failed the Algebra Standards of Learning test.  My job was to help them pass the test and the class...not an easy task.  A lot of my students were very bright, they just chose to not do their homework.  Or they were acting out because of problems at home.  Or they were being bullied...the list goes on.  It was a difficult job but very rewarding.  In the beginning the kids would test my limits,call me names, get sent to the office for doing things such as climbing on their desks to try to touch the ceiling during class (I am not joking). But as the year wore on, they would start to trust me...I don't know why. Some of my most disruptive and mean spirited kids would come see me during their lunch because they were having a hard time at home or one of their friends was spreading gossip about them and they wanted to ask what to do. I was always amazed at the questions they would ask me.

 "Mrs. Wright, do you think abortion is wrong?
 "Mrs. Wright, I want to drop out of school, what do you think I should do?"
"Mrs. Wright, I think my girlfriend may be pregnant."
"Mrs. Wright, I'm living at my friend's house because my mom and I had a fight and I don't know what to do."

They invited me into their lives and asked my opinion on so many things.  I really miss them and I hope and pray that the advice I gave them helped them in some way.

I still work in a school, but as a bookkeeper, so the only time that I see students is when they are paying for a lost book or they lost money in the vending machine.

So at the beginning of last summer I decided I wanted to become a mentor with a local youth shelter. The program is called Mentoring Children of Prisoners. I went through the background checks and training and was finally matched with my mentee.  She is a middle schooler and both of her parents are in prison so she lives with other family.  It has been so fun and rewarding getting to know her and doing activities together.  I was really nervous in the beginning though.  What if she thought I wasn't cool? What if she never wanted to hang out? What if...

But  the more we hang out, the more fun we have.  We both love to read so we go to Barnes and Noble and hang out in the YA section...because that is our favorite genre. I taught her to use the knifty knitter so we go to Starbucks and knit. She also likes to cook so we made dinner at my house one night and it turned out great. And of course she loves to shop...what middle school aged girl does not like to shop?

She has taught me a lot.  I am learning all of the texting abbreviations. IDK, TBH, IKR, DNFTT...etc (look it up!) Apparently when something is about to get crazy you are supposed to say "it's bout to get LIVE in here".

She asks me a lot of questions...about relationships, school, life, careers, etc. I hope I am giving helpful answers and I hope I am making a difference in this girl's life.  She sure is making a difference in mine. It is good to look outside of myself even in the midst of having my own problems. It puts things in perspective for me.

I know a lot of people have made New Years Resolutions this year about getting involved in the community; making a difference.  I highly recommend mentoring! If you have any questions about mentoring, please don't hesitate to ask me and I will try my best to answer or point you in the right direction. Here are a couple of organizations you can get involved with:

Seton Youth Shelter
Mentoring Children of Prisoners Program
http://www.setonyouthshelters.org/programs/87-programs/101-mentoring

Big Brothers Big Sisters of South Hampton Roads
929 Ventures Way, Suite 108
Chesapeake, Virginia 23320
Phone Number: 757-549-7437 ext. 10
Visit Website: http://www.bbbsofshr.org

Happy New Year!

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

~A Long December, The Counting Crows

Happy New Year Everyone!

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday.  It's back to work today for me and I've actually been looking forward to it.  There is something nice about routine. And it helps when you like your job! :) 

Over the holidays I watched several movies, read several books (including one called A Girl's Guide to Homelessness by Brianna Karp, http://girlsguidetohomelessness.com/read-the-book/), drank a lot of coffee, and caught up on my sleep.  It was lovely! But today it's back to reality!

I can't believe it is 2013!  ( I have to remember to date my correspondence accordingly.) I really enjoy the beginning of  a new year because it seems like you are starting over again...like this year things could be different...maybe this year will be better than the last...

Something is different this year for me. In years past I was always wishing I were somewhere else, doing something else, living a life that I wasn't living, making plans for the future...but not this year.  This year I feel like my prayer has been answered...I feel content. 

There is something really beautiful about contentment.  Feeling like my feet are firmly planted in a place so I can grow.  Enjoying the world around me and appreciating where I am in this exact moment in my life.  Maybe it's because I am growing older...but I am living in the present now more than I ever have.  I am so blessed with an amazing husband, family and friends who love me, a home at the beach, a super sweet puppy dog, a job that I enjoy and feel needed in, and I still have my life ahead of me.

In the past I would get caught up in what I didn't have and would dwell on these things.  They weighed heavy on my heart and I allowed them to form and shape how I viewed the world. But when I started to enjoy the place that I am in, the present, my world became a much happier place! I am thankful for this season in my life!

I hope the best for you in the New Year and above all I hope that you can find contentment and joy in your lives just where you are.